(3:1) Israel's Civil War - The events recorded in 2 Samuel 2 led to a long war between David's followers and the troops loyal to Abner and Ish-bosheth. Civil war rocked the country at great cost to both sides. Israel and Judah had lost sight of God's vision and purpose for them: to settle the land (Genesis 12.7), to drive out the Canaanites (Deuteronomy 7:1-4), and to obey God's laws (Deuteronomy 8:1). Instead of uniting to accomplish these goals, they fought each other. When you face conflict, step back from the hostilities and consider whether you and your enemy have common goals that are bigger than your differences. Appeal to those interests as you work for a positive outcome.

(3:2-5) David and Polygamy -  David suffered much heartache because of his many wives. Polygamy was a socially acceptable practice for kings at this time, although God had specifically warned against it Deuteronomy 17:14-17). Sadly, the numerous sons born to David's wives caused him great trouble. Rape (2 Samuel 13:14), murder (13:28), rebellion (15:3), and greed (1 Kings 1:5-6) all resulted from the jealous rivalries among the half brothers. Solomon, one of David's sons and his successor to the throne, also took many wives, and they eventually turned him away from God (1 Kings 11:3-4). Although most people don't practice polygamy today, people who divorce or remarry also must guard against rivalry among their children.

(3:6-7) Abner Disobeys God's Laws - To sleep with any of the king's wives or concubines was to make a claim to the throne, and it was considered treason. Because Ish-bosheth was a weak ruler, Abner was running the country; thus, he may have felt justified in sleeping with Saul's concubine. Ish-bosheth, however, saw that Abner's power was becoming too great.

(3:7) Ish-bosheth Fails to Speak Truth - Ish-bosheth may have been right to speak out against Abner's behavior, but he didn't have the moral strength to maintain his authority (3:). Lack of moral backbone became the root of Israel's troubles over the nest four centuries. In the coming centuries, very few kings in Israel and Judah would be called "good." It takes courage and strength to stand firm in your convictions and to confront wrongdoing in the face of opposition. When you believe something is wrong, do not let yourself be talked out of your position. Firmly deny the wrong and uphold the right.

(3:8) Ish-bosheth Confronts Abner - By saying, "Am I a dog's head ... against Judah?" Abner meant, "Am I a traitor for Judah?" He may have been refuting the accusation that he was trying to take over the throne, or he may have been angry that Ish-bosheth was scolding him after Abner had helped put him on the throne in the first place. Prior to this conversation, Abner had realized that he could not keep David from eventually taking over Israel. Because he was angry at Ish-bosheth, Abner devised a plan to turn over the kingdom of Israel to David in return for being made general of David's army.

(3:12-13) Abner Makes a Deal with David - By this time Abner realized that it was useless to fight for the weak ruler Ish-bosheth. Nothing could prevent David from becoming king of all Israel, because God was with him (3:18). Abner designed a deal with David to prevent David's men from seeking revenge against him for being the commander of both Saul's army (1 Samuel 26:5-7) and the northern confederacy (2 Samuel 2:8).

(3:12-13) David Accepts Abner's Terms - In an effort to reunite all Israel, David agreed to Abner's deal. Ish-bosheth was not God's appointed king, as Saul had been; therefore, David accepted Abner's terms.

(3:13-16) David Wants Michael Back - Michal had been married to David. Saul had arranged the marriage as a reward for David's acts of bravery (1 Samuel 17:25; 18:24-27). Later, however, in one of his jealous fits, Saul took Michal away from David and forced her to marry Phaltiel (called Phalti in 1 Samuel 25:44). Now David wanted his wife back before he would begin to negotiate peace with the northern tribes. Perhaps David still loved her (but see 2 Samuel 6:20-23 for the tension in their relationship). More likely, he thought that marriage to Saul's daughter would strengthen his claim to rule all Israel and demonstrate that he had no animosity toward Saul's house. Phaltiel was the unfortunate victim caught in the web of Saul's jealousy and David's political maneuvering.

(3:19) The Tribe of Benjamin - Saul, Ish-bosheth, and Abner were all from the tribe of Benjamin. So Abner's work to gain the support of the elders of that tribe proved that he was serious about his offer to help bring unity. There was now a strong possibility of overcoming tribal jealousies and uniting the kingdom 

(3:26) The Revenge of Joab - Joab took revenge for the death of his brother instead of leaving justice to God. But that revenge backfired on him (1 Kings 2:31-34). God will repay those who deserve it (Romans 12:19). Refuse to rejoice when your enemies suffer, and don't try to get revenge. Seeking revenge, even when you feel justified, will ruin your own peace of mind and increase the chances of further retaliation.

(3:27) Abner Kills Asahel - Abner had killed Joab's brother Asahel in self-defense. On top of that, Abner actually had been trying to run away from Asahel (2:17-23). But Joab treacherously murdered Abner to avenge his brother's death and to save his position of military leadership. Jab killed Abner in Hebron, a city of refuge (Joshua 20:7), where Abner should have been safe from an avenger (Numbers 35:22-25). Although Asahel's death was not accidental, Hebron was a place of refuge and the most inappropriate place for revenge, but Joab did not care and did as he pleased. Job was later executed at Solomon's command (1 Kings 2:28-34), fulfilling the punishment required under the law for murder (Exodus 21:12-14).

(3:29) David Rebukes Joab - Why did David say such harsh words about Joab? David was upset over Abner's death for several reasons: (1) He was grieved over the loss of a skilled military officer. (2) He wanted to place the guilt of Abner's murder on Joab, not himself. (3) He was on the verge of becoming king over the entire nation, and having Abner's support was important for winning over the northern tribes. Abner's death could have revived the civil war. (4) Jab had violated David's agreement to protect Abner. Joab's murderous act ruined David's plans, and David was especially angry that his own commander had committed the crime.

(3:81-39) David Instructs Joab - David ordered Joab to mourn, possibly because few people were aware that Joab had committed the crime and because David did not want any further trouble. If this is true, David was thinking more about strengthening his kingdom than about justice.

(3:31) David Leads the Mourning - By walking behind the procession (that is, behind the bier, or casket), David was leading the mourning.

(3:39) David Has a Hard Time Controlling Joab - Joab and Abishai were the two sons of Zeruiah whom David mentioned. David had an especially hard time controlling Joab because, although he was intensely loyal, he was strong-willed, preferring to do things his own way. In exchange for his loyalty, however, David was willing to give Joab the flexibility he craved. But in the long run David was too soft on Joab. This leadership flaw would cost David dearly. Joab's murder of Abner is an example of his fierce independence. While David opposed the murder, he allowed it to remain unpunished because (1) to punish Joab could cause the troops to rebel; (2) Joab was David's nephew, and any harsh treatment could cause family problems; (3) Joab was from the tribe of Judah, and David didn't want rebellion from his own tribe; and (4) to get rid of Joab would mean losing a skilled and competent commander who had been invaluable in strengthening his army.